I was 20 years old when I got a call from Stanford admitting me to the MBA program. I deferred my admission and, two years ago, I  finally stepped onto the beautiful campus. I could spend this post going into great detail on the hard-skills I learned: entrepreneurship from top VCs, management from bigshot CEOs, and machine learning from CS legends. But that wouldn’t fully portray my experience. My biggest learnings at Stanford were not about how to start the next billion dollar company; my biggest learnings were all about myself.

From my first day at Stanford, I felt like an imposter. Everyone just seemed so influential. My classmates were polished and put together and just incredible at being social. To get to Stanford, many of them had thrived in harsh corporate environments and stood out among the best and brightest. And it seemed my background hadn’t prepared me the same way. As a lone-wolf entrepreneur I had gained a lot of knowledge and experience, but I never had to prove myself on a team among equals.

During the first week of classes, I struggled in team role-playing activities. I remember one particular exercise when we were tasked to make a puzzle. People seemed to automatically gravitate to and listen to others in the group. When I felt like people weren’t listening to me, I disengaged and started doodling until I was called out. Time and time again, both inside and outside of the classroom, I disengaged when I wasn’t feeling liked.

These feelings of disengagement came to a head during our most popular MBA class, Interpersonal Dynamics also known as “Touchy Feely”. Every week, I sat in a circle with a group of classmates for seven hours. There was no set topic of conversation; we would just talk and tell people how what they said made us feel. In theory, this would make us into stronger leaders.

I hated it. I hated sharing my feelings and I didn’t feel my comments were appreciated. So, I disengaged and was often quiet. Midway through the quarter, we participated in an exercise called the influence line. Every group member has to physically rank everyone else in the group based on how influential they are. It is a stressful exercise, because no one wants to be placed last. Almost every single person in my group placed me dead last. I was devastated.

When I finally talked about how terrible I felt, I got an endless stream of feedback. No one hated me; they simply didn’t hear me talk much and so didn’t see me as an engaged group member. Faced with this, I forced myself to change my behavior. Instead of fearing judgement on sensitive topics like race, I shared my feelings. People listened, and my comments were praised. Instead of being a bystander when other group members were fighting, I got involved and helped resolve a disagreement. People appreciated me more as a result. By the end of the class, feeling ownership of the group’s process made it a lot more fun. Touchy Feely made me into a much stronger team member and a much stronger leader.

You can’t be a strong leader unless you’re a good team player.

Another Stanford tradition is TALK. Every week, two students give 30 minute TALKs about their lives to the entire MBA class. These aren’t simply resume reviews; instead, they’re deeply vulnerable reflections on personal life experiences. My first year at Stanford, I would never have given a TALK. I didn’t think I had anything interesting to say, and I was terrified to share my insecurities.

But after Touchy Feely, I threw my name into the lottery and was selected to speak. I thought about a lot of topics for my TALK. I considered talking about my passion for entrepreneurship or how it felt growing up Indian American. But neither topic seemed truly vulnerable. What I ended up talking about was much more personal: my need to feel liked by others.

Despite my TALK being relatively light, it still felt vulnerable to talk about times in my life when I’ve felt lonely. For example, speaking in public about how I wasn’t that popular in high school was difficult because I’ve always been ashamed of it. But that’s the power of TALK. When people came up to me afterwards, many mentioned that they felt closer to me because of what I had shared.

Everyone has insecurities. To be a truly inspirational and relatable leader, you must be open about them.

To cap off my GSB experience, I took a course in Reputation Management. We had to send out an anonymous survey to our classmates, friends, and co-workers about our personal reputation. What was your first impression of me? What do you think of me now? What are my strengths and weaknesses, and how can I improve myself? I sent it to a lot of people, and I specifically sent it to some people I didn’t get along well with, hoping they would fill it out and tell me why.

Perhaps it’s a testament to how much others think I need help, but I got almost 100 responses from people in my life. Most responses were anonymous, and a lot of feedback was really tough to read. I consider myself hilarious; several people said “you’re not as funny as you think you are”. I pride myself on being risk-taking and adventurous; an anonymous classmate said he “doubts my awareness of reality”. But it wasn’t all bad. I think my favorite was what my mom filled in for her first impression of me: “what a cute baby….so special…my very own”.

I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting, and I feel very grateful that so many folks took the time to offer me such thoughtful advice. I’m not gonna take all the feedback; you can’t make everyone happy! But the survey has let me be a lot more strategic in my interactions. I hope to continue sending out feedback surveys like this one every few years for the rest of my life.

Feedback is a gift. Whether you take it all or not, it’s always valuable to know where you stand.

Last month, I walked on stage alongside peers who I have come to respect, admire, and love. Thank you Stanford and to all my amazing classmates for helping me become a stronger person and a more thoughtful leader.